Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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