So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
