Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
