I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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