Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
