You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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