Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
