Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize