either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
