We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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