Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
