I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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