Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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