actually, I'm a sock model
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
