I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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