never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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