ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
