anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
