im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
