I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
