Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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