I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
