I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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