ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize