my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
