I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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