and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
