We got so high we made milksteak
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
