i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
