Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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