You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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