she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
