we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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