Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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