Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
