i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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