took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
