Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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