I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
