From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
