I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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