I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
worst night to have a conscience
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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