I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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