Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
