i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
