So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
