I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
