Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I supernannyed him into submission
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
