living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Houston, we have a blender
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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