Bisexual people are plain selfish.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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