So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
