I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
