I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
