The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
