what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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