kristin has been a bad kristin
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
