Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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