the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
