I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All the doctor said was why
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
