5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
