oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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