Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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