Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
