I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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