How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
