Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
