she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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