so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
