Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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