Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
