What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
