Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
