You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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