Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
