I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
