I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
