I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
