Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
