You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
