Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
