she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
