a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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