I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
