wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
