I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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