Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
