I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
