She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
