My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its not stalking. its research.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
