i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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