First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
