literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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