Cold hands, warm shart.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
