I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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