how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
