mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
