He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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