If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
