did you get engaged???
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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