Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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