Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
