There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
